Recently in humour Category

live from medical records

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I used to have to deal with a dictation/transcription service that was probably outsourced. We had some choice typos, but we usually managed to catch and correct the most egregious. My favorite was the misinterpretation of "She hit a deer with her car" which somehow became "She had a beer with her car"
The choice selections below were sent to me recently. Enjoy!

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
* A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
* She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
* She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
* Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
* I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
* Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
* The patient has no past history of suicides.
* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
* Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
* The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
* The patient refused an autopsy.
* Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
* The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

wikipedia spoof for real

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totally hilarious!!

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in today's news

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totally off topic


shrove tuesday


Happy Catholic has a recipe up
Meanwhile;Back in the Kitchen: Pancakes
but mine is better.

Grandma Pat’s Crepe Batter

Make in blender.

1 ¾ cup flour
¼ tsp salt
2 TBS sugar (optional)
¼ cup booze (brandy, rum, bourbon) (optional, can use vanilla extract + extra milk)
2 tsp lemon rind (grated) or extract
6 eggs
¼ cup melted butter
2 – 3 cups milk

put in blender in order listed. – use 2 cups milk at start. Blend until smooth, add in extra milk as needed to get to consistency of thin cream. Let rest one hour or more in fridge.

Heat griddle, brush with melted butter, pour about 1/4 cup batter and swirl on heated griddle till all spread out. Cook until edges start to dry, flip, and briefly cook other side. Stack on hot place and keep covered in warm place until all are cooked. Serve with lemon and sugar or your favorite stuffings.

Kliban Cat--Love Them Mousies T-shirt

"Love to eat them mousies,
Mousies what I love to eat.
Bite they tiny heads off,
Nibble on they tiny feet."

basic electricity


just go watch it. NOW!!!


kids on marriage


more email from my mom, by way of my texas cousins

e mail from my mom


Monday Funnies
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's an erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates!" His mind tends to see things a bit differently than the rest of us mortals.
Here are some samples:

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.

why businesses are in deep yoghurt


Waterfall 2006 - International Conference on Sequential Development
At first, I thought it was serious - but this site is almost as good as the Curt Jester.
Waterfall methodologies are those that progress in linear fashion through a series of stages - for example, Feasibility, Requirements, External Design, Program Specifications, Coding, Testing, Production.

The problem with waterfall methodologies is that they don't work all that well. Trying to create complete, perfect system specifications before you start any coding simply ensures you've wasted a bunch of effort, because once developers start coding, design flaws become evident and require that you revisit earlier stages.

Except that you can't, because that stage is complete and there's no budget for going back.

One of our favorite flicks

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done by bunnies!

Hymn Sing

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Good morning, and welcome to our hymn sing. We are pleased to announce that we have a hymn for everyone. Our program this day will include:

The Dentist's Hymn
Crown Him with Many Crowns

The Weatherman's Hymn
There Shall Be Showers of Blessings

The Contractor's Hymn
The Church's One Foundation

The Tailor's Hymn
Holy, Holy, Holy

The Golfer's Hymn
There Is A Green Hill Far Away

The Politician's Hymn
Standing on the Promises

The Optometrist's Hymn
Open My Eyes That I Might See

The IRS Agent's Hymn
I Surrender All

The Gossip's Hymn
Pass It On

The Electrician's Hymn
Send The Light

The Shopper's Hymn
Sweet By and By

The Realtor's Hymn
I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop

The Massage Therapist's Hymn
He Touched Me

The Doctor's Hymn
The Great Physician

And for you motorists...

45 mph
God Will Take Care of You

55 mph
Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah

65 mph
Nearer My God To Thee

75 mph
Nearer Still Nearer

85 mph
This World Is Not My Home

95 mph
Lord, I'm Coming Home

Over 100 mph
Precious Memories

anyone with any Catholic suggestions?

just click on the comments box -


to this from dawn -
Post mortem, but make sure that your mouth and bladder are both empty.

I warned you!!!!!!!!

I sure hope Dawn finishes her book soon. I miss her.

tales of the strange


not that I approve, but way funny


family life education in the cyber age



Fidelis???An Aesthetic Argument Against "Same Sex Marriage"
Hat tip to Gen X Revert, who is busy planning his nuptials!

must be something in the air

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TSO has a post up on Calvinism - it's a bit more like Jeff Miller than TSO, though. Or maybe it just shows another side of his talents.
I personally found it hilarious - I wonder what an equivalent would be for Catholicism?



(thanks to an old friend of mine who emailed this to me - just in time, too!)

When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "Good Morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her". You need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, "Office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "What the f*&% do they want now?" You need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "Which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?" You need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "Well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him. You need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "What the h*&# does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk. You need to pray at work.

When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "Both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!". You need to pray at work.

When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say "That lazy b*&%$#". You need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "That sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s". You need to pray at work.

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with. You need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story . You need to pray at work.

If you know all the words that have been bleeped out. You need to pray at work!



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The WeatherPixie

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