September 2008 Archives

I don't know if you have to register to read this from today's LATimes, but if so it is worth it. Mr. O'Rourke has been for years the token conservative on NPR's news comedy show "Wait, Wait, don't tell me" and he is a truly funny and thoughtful man.

live from medical records

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I used to have to deal with a dictation/transcription service that was probably outsourced. We had some choice typos, but we usually managed to catch and correct the most egregious. My favorite was the misinterpretation of "She hit a deer with her car" which somehow became "She had a beer with her car"
The choice selections below were sent to me recently. Enjoy!

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
* A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
* She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
* She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
* Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
* I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
* Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
* The patient has no past history of suicides.
* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
* Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
* The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
* The patient refused an autopsy.
* Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
* The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

Peggy Noonan on candidate Palin

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I know, I've been missing in action for a while. But this article is worth reading. And I'll work on updating the blog. Blame it on summer. Blame it on a new laptop and having to learn a new OS (Vista - the logic is beyond me). Blame is on the shift to MT 4.
The election scares me and I am not sure quite why. Noonan puts her finger on a few items, and I heard a news report yesterday that right now the electoral college votes would be split 50-50 if we were to vote now. And that would put the election into the hands of the Congress.......that is a scary thought too. But there is more to it than that. Something about the way things are going remind me of the opening chapters of some of the more apocalyptic fiction I have read in my life, and I am just not ready for that.

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This page is an archive of entries from September 2008 listed from newest to oldest.

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