English as a third language


from my inbox today
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and then supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
-- the inability to get a Taxi in NYC in the rain.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
-- the act of falling into the LaBrea Tar Pits more than once.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
-- a chemical compound made up of the two most
common elements in the Universe: Hydrogen and Stupidity.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
-- the act of your ex-wife ripping your genitals off by
pulling them though your wallet.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
-- plural of the Italian "giraffito", a very small, but very tall
replica of the Grotto at Lourdes.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
-- "Searchasm" -- the gulf between the reference librarian
who has the answer and the library patron who just
doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
-- "Inoculattea" - when you squeeze the lemon slice to put
lemon juice in your tea and it goes into your eye instead.
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
-- What oldsters come down with when they've been living
in the "Home" so long that they think that "Wow" and
"Cool, Man!" is still wow and cool.
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
-- this means "bad to the bone".
10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
-- misspelled. "Carmageddon" - grid lock in Detroit.
11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
-- another misspelling: "Decafelon" - a group of ten felons.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
-- my ex-brother-in-law. Trust me.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
-- "Arachnocleptic" - the act of stealing spiders without knowing it.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
-- common insect in Minnesota in the Summer. Known to eat
rats and small children.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature:
-- Caterpallor, -oris, m. male counterpart of the caryatide
-- (caryatis, -idis, f.). Statues of people who carry the weight
of god on their sholders.
16. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *******.
-- Small moon of the 7th planet.

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This page contains a single entry by alicia published on December 1, 2003 6:02 PM.

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